TODAE BIGBANG VIPFiction: The 2012 TODAE story - The Deep Conversation

The 2012 TODAE story-The Deep Conversation PART 2

Author: The Official Miss ChekLeen

Pairing: TOP / DAESUNG of BIGBANG (TODAE)

The scene: Story involves the tragedy (scandal) that happened to DaeSung and JiYong. It occur that the incidents affect TOP's life.

Warnings: Lots of grammar mistakes, this is only a fiction and not real story, don't blame me in anything in this story, I don't own them even I want to, enjoy reading and keep supporting BIGBANG!

:Daesung:

According to my leader we are going to New York tomorrow for music video BLUE making. Well I wish I can escape the schedule and stay home alone, as I wish I could. We are going to New York tomorrow, I don’t feel like I’m enjoying this anymore, not like before where I love to hang around and travel, doing outdoors activities and all. YongBae hyung brought me some lunch a while ago, warns me to eat it. A mom’s cook, YongBae hyung’s mom cooked it. I missed my mom right now, but I don’t have time to see them.  I look at my face at the mirror, someone said I look different. I do not know how different I had been but people who used to always stay with me told me that. Yes, my hyung TOP said that. I realized after that tragic incidents happened I have changed a lot. I talked to YongBae hyung more than other members. Rather than he is being my roommate, maybe I feels much safer to talks to him and the feeling of hyung that he has makes my emotions feels protected. That’s what I thought. Describing of why I didn’t tells TOP hyung about my problems is because I don’t wants him to be troubled and I feels neglected when I see him. You know how sensitive he is, and I don’t think he can handle it well if I say all those problems and my emotions to him. Even when he see I’m crying he will cry too, that is what we always been. Now everything is different, why do I need to keep saying this?

A while ago I heard 2NE1 song, It Hurts. I don’t know what to say, it just keep buzzing in my head. I take my mp3 and listen to the BLUE song, I need to memorize my parts, yet to keep in control, I hope.

I was born and I met you

And I have loved you to death

My cold heart that has been dyed blue

Even with my eyes closed, I can’t feel you

The winter had passed, and the spring has come

We have withered

And our heart are bruised from longing

That is all I need to sing, yes that is my parts. I think this lyric really tells about me, yes I have withered and my heart are bruised from longing. I was born and I met you, and I have loved you to death. My cold heart that has been dyed blue, even with my eyes closed I can’t feel you. What else? I have been told in this song. Nowadays even I close my eyes, you are not there anymore. I can’t feel you yet never think of you. It sounds cold, but can I say that I can’t recognize our relationship anymore? Still, I keep thinking of you at this moment. Just let me blend in my works and never think of this anymore, it will be okay.

:T.O.P:

We have arrived at New York at 5.40 a.m. The weather is cold, suitable enough for our BLUE song. I memorize my moment with Dae at airport. We saw each other, he smile, I nods and we walk to the cart that brings our bags. We sit there, no talks, just feels awkward about ourselves. He looks at me, I turn my face at the other side. I can’t speak to him, I really don’t know how to. How do I need to comfort him? How do I need to speak calmly to him? I never do that before and it feels awkward to suddenly talks to him in a soft way. Dae looks at me, and then he looks down. His bang covers his face. I felt guilty all of sudden, but honestly I don’t know how to conquer the situation. We just do everything in our own way without trying to speak to each other, even there are a lot of things I want to ask him.

Even nowadays I also have a big personal problem of my own, the problem of my bride to be is now just a friend. Even though I face this kind of problem most of the time, but it feels so much burden this time but I just pretend everything is okay just like my song, pretend to be unconcerned. The things that concerns me a bit, at this moment is how are my brothers doing, Ji and Dae. Ji looks okay and still strong, but I know he feels so down. His eyes cannot lie to me and I can read everything about his feelings through his eyes. What about Dae? He is a brother who is so secretive, maybe more like my personality. Sometimes I feel like he did not have any problems but when I asked him before he said everyone in this world have problems including him. He is someone I cannot see everything through his eyes. But now what I can see in his small cute eyes is emptiness. It scared me a bit but I understand his situation, even I have changed because of some personal problem. Well a heart still controls our lifestyle, right? Even though I am an actor, in life I never act and never lie in my behaviour, maybe a bit before just to get close with my brothers. So nowadays I feel so much awkward handling things that are so different and complicated which I always avoid in my life. Everyone can see my awkwardness when I see Ji and Dae. Thinking about Ji, he told me to memorize my part because for music video tomorrow I need to pretend singing, or I can say rapping my part. I practise my rap in this cold night by myself. I sleep alone, YongBae sleep with Dae, Ji with the maknae. It always happens to be like that, we are getting used to it but nowadays I feel lonely, so lonely.